What Would Robin Wear

Every Spring it would seem that I am in a wedding or have a wedding to go to.  The problem is always-ALWAYS finding a dress to wear! 

This year I had planned on wearing my Ralph Lauren long red dress.  It is very conservative and well boring.  So I ordered this clingy purple dress from Macy's and alas, it did not arrive in time for the wedding.  Of course it was last minute and who knew UPS doesn't deliver on Saturdays??  This is the dress I ordered.  She looks like me and is curvy like me but I never got this dress!!






So I ran out to JC Penney, I knew they would have dresses on sale after Easter.  I tried on about 100 dresses.  I have a very difficult body to fit.  I am tall and very curvy.  Hard to find a dress that will not look like a tent, hide my arms which I abhor, and accentuate my small waist.

Well-haven't been doing so well with my diet.  I decided to give my body a rest and have not been to the gym in two weeks. 

I will start again today.  I will do forty minutes on the elliptical and 20 on the bike or treadmill.  I will begin weights again next week. 

I am a very motivated person, do not mistake my motivation for obsession.  While the two hold hands, there is too much I have right now in my life to have this mistaken for obsession.  I am so close to finishing my Master's as an Intervention Specialist for anything to get in my way.  I am also going to start my reading endorsement this summer.  I have no plans to finish that this year, and beleive me I could get it all done, but I would not have much of a summer.  And I really want to relax as much as possible. 

I am drinking my morning protein shake.  It is strawberry AMP Whey Protein.  Three scoops of the powder is 60 grams of protein.  It is the MOST disgusting thing on the planet.  It will take me at least an hour to drink it.  It is flat out nasty.  All the protein drinks are nasty.  I can tolerate the Adkins shakes the best.  Strawberry or chocolate are OK.  They only have 15 grams of protein so I have to drink too many a day and they are uber super expensive.  So the AMP will give me the protein I need in one nasty tall disgusting glass....Trust me this crap is not delicious at all, it's gross.  BUT-it will keep you from losing muscle and hair.  And a bald Robin is just not attractive at all....

I am also taking the Mega Green Tea Dietary Supplements.  They make me slightly hyper, but that is a good thing I think.  I have zoomed around the yard and the pool is open and it looks amazing...painted the shed bar, the doors-raked, mowed, I didn't stop for two weeks.  I cannot take them after 3 in the afternoon or I do not sleep.  So I take one for breakfast. 

Since I took two weeks off the gym, I have gained four pounds.  Yes four pounds in two weeks.  With all the birthdays and parties this month.  I do believe it is the beer consumption.  Even though I only drink Mich Ultra, it is just a waste of calories, but nonetheless much needed fun and relaxation and above all;  LAUGHTER with my friends! 

I have to get this four pounds off me, and try to jump start this stubborn body of mine, this week is not going to be a good week for me, so I would advise you all to stay away....LOL!

I am seriously considering giving up the gym till the fall.  You all know I workout often and hard, but it doesn't really seem to have any affect at all on my weight loss.  I work so hard in the summer outside, I figure I would save some money and cancel my membership.  Any thoughts out there??  I will miss my cardio, but I will be working outside, just not as hard.  My fear is that I will get out of my routine and not ever go back, and since I do not have a doctor that guides me, I may do what ever I want - like before.  I do need lots of support, I just didn't realize how much I needed until now.  I will have to find something or someone that can help me in that area.  My PCP is so busy it would be impossible.  So maybe I will try and find a new dietitian here in the Cincinnati area.  I have to have someone to be accountable too.  I damn well know it too!

Heck-- I spent three hours in the torrential downpour on Monday cleaning the front garden. Wet leaves are heavy.  My legs are super sore from pulling weeds...My roses are doing well.  I love roses, yellow-my personal favorite.  Red--passe, over used, ORDINARY!  I love flowers.  LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM....where is my Prince charming (or his brother) that will send me flowers, just because?  OK so I watched Cinderella yesterday while out with my study group!

Anyway, my friend (the tall gnome) told me that after a hard workout, you should have a beer.  It is actually better for you than water, Gatorade, etc.  Like she had to twist my arm at all for that.  The downside...it's kinda weird to go into a drinking establishment in the middle of the afternoon and have a beer or two.  But it was fun, and we don't do that often. 

Read the article on beer after a workout...I am so HAPPY about this!  I know it would get the HUGE KAPOSH from the doctor world, but at this point...who cares!  It's summer! (ALMOST)

http://www.wcpo.com/dpp/news/health/water-may-be-the-drink-of-choice-to-rehydrate-after-working-out%2C-but-one-type-of-alcohol-is-better

As for sugar!  It is really really difficult to give up the poison sugar.  The only thing I miss about it - ice cream.  But I just freeze low carb yogurt or ready whip, cool whip etc.  I want to grab a cookie, or slice of pie sometimes, but not because I want it, but because it is a habit of a life time.  I cannot stand the taste of it at all anymore.  I can't even drink a diet coke.  It's like syrup.  Yes, it was hard the first year of no sugar, but then it just became very easy.  I do not crave it, nor do I want it-EVER!  It's hard at Christmas with all the chocolate and fudge etc, but again, I only want it out of habit, not because I have a taste for it. 

My friend is trying to give up soda (pop) and it is killing her sometimes.  I keep telling her it is liquid SATAN.  She is doing well, but sometimes, she just wants a Coke with her Skyline.  LOL, it is funny but I understand how hard it is to give that up.  I assure you, it gets easier, I promise!!  Hang in there everyone!!  We can do it..

PS>....I am about to throw my scale out the window into my pool which is all sludge and disgusting leaves and watch it sink to it's death.  Therapeutic..I will of course go buy another one, but today it will feel really damn good!

So yesterday I was looking for some photos for my teaching portfolio, and I came across some photos from about four years ago.  I cannot believe that this is me.  I just cannot freaking believe this is me.  It doesn't even look like me.  I have posted some photos.  My friends came over from Wales to stay with me and we were all over town taking pictures.  I will as of today STOP being so hard on myself.

I am so hard on myself sometimes, but I think, I have to be.  I have to stay motivated to be healthy and to try to lose the rest of this weight.  I worked out yesterday with the weights and man my arms are sore today.  I do arms on Monday's for about 30 minutes or so and then I do an hour of cardio.  I try and do MWF weights and as many cardio days as I can.  It is difficult with school work and teaching on Tuesday's and Thursday's but I do the best that I can.  I usually go to the gym on Monday, Wednesday evening, Thursday and Friday.  Three days of weights and cardio and the other day just cardio.  It's difficult.  Has my scale moved..........nope.  NOPE-NOPE NO...no..it has not.  Frustrating. 

I am thinking again about getting a personal trainer so that I stay focused on my weight lifting, but dang it's expensive.  AND the last time he had me lifting WAY too much weight.  So I will seriously consider it and see what I can do.  This is so hard to figure out sometimes all by yourself.  To get so far and then stall for so long is sometimes more than I can stand.  But I find these pictures, and I think I looked sick.  I am so much healthier now and I am trying to focus on that.  It helps to have the support and encouragement from my friends and family.  They always tell me I look great, and I am doing well.

My nephew has recently adopted my military philosophy on food (ok he is worse than I ever was) and exercise and has lost 68 pounds.  He is super serious (obsessive like me)about his diet and exercise and has reached his goal weight (he is 18-sigh) and now is concentrating on his body fat.  He is lifting to change fat to muscle.  He is sort of a super genius and will probably be a surgeon, doctor, or biochemical engineer.  So he thinks that my body is lacking creatin.  Hmmmmm....I may have to buy the supplements, I mean what do I have to lose right?  I take vitamins everyday!  Multi, B12, calcium with vitamin D, and DHEA for hormone control.  What is one more right?  It's worth a shot I think.

Here are my photos...feel free to comment...I can't stop looking at them!!  I will TRY (try is the operative word here) to stop with the self loathing and beating myself up all the time, but it is difficult after a lifetime of doing so..

I get this a lot.  What do you eat when you go out?  Most people think that if you change your diet and lifestyle, that you cannot ever go out to eat.  Heck, yes you can! 

When I go out to eat, I try to stick to things that are not fried, not loaded with dressing, or high is carbohydrates.  So if I go out to eat to a restaurant, I will have salad with chicken, steak, tuna, etc...and the dressing on the side.  The salad dressing is a killer, it will up your caloric intake by the thousands if you are not careful.  I will also eat chicken breast, steak, fish, or any kind of meat.  I usually ask for a salad if it comes with fries, or pasta, or a potato.  Most restaurants will substitute a side salad instead of fries.

Well what do you do when you are driving and the only food is fast food?  This is difficult.  When I drive to Florida, I can't stop at a restaurant every time I am hungry.  It would take days to get there.  And the snack foods (my snack foods:  beef jerky, apples, yogurt, popcorn, etc) just aren't cutting it.  If I have to drive through, which I HATE, I will get the salad with meat, chicken wrap, (Wendy's has a baked chicken wrap, 200 calories, 20 carbs) chili, or I will get chicken fingers, no ranch, or sauce.  I use mustard for all dipping, those dressings are so caloric.  Yes, there are low calorie dressings, but they are gross, I do not like them.

I have food rules; no sugar, no processed foods, no pasta, and little to no bread.  AND-if it has corn syrup in it, forget it!!  I try my darndest not to have snack foods in the house.  I do not like white bleached flour.  It is in everything!  In America, our food is highly processed!  Look at the label if you cannot pronounce the words in the ingredients, it's probably not a good idea to eat it.  Look at the American slices of cheese, it is a chemical in a plastic sheet and we eat it in this country like crazy.  So I try my darndest to not eat overly processed foods, like white bread, it is like glue.  Pasta that is made with white bleached flour, is soo not good for you.  I don't like pasta anyway, so it wasn't difficult for me to give up. 

Of course, as my father always quotes; "Everything in moderation Robin."  I have found that I am not that girl.  I cannot moderate, or control, or have the willpower to NOT EAT some of the foods that are high in fat, sugar, or calories...OK, so all the tasty stuff...SO-I have eliminated them entirely from my diet.  I haven't even eaten a piece of chocolate in over three years, and once you stop you will not miss it.  I do not crave sugar at all any more.  It is gone, and if it's in something, I can't stand the taste of it. 

I think that in my mind I justify this by saying; "I have eaten enough cakes, chips, cookies, pies, pop (liquid Satan) macaroni, pastas, etc. in my life, I do not need to eat it anymore."  I have had enough and so has my poor body.  My body loves sugar and carbs, as soon as I eat them, I gain weight.  Immediately, I gained four pounds on my vacation in Texas.  It is gone now, but man it makes me hysterical to see the scale go the other way...YIKES!!

I try everyday to be as healthy as possible.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I do not.  If I average it out, I have more good days than bad, and that is what matters.

I try to stick to 1200 calories a day as close as possible.  I try the rule of sixties;  60 minutes of cardio - straight cardio, no machine hopping, 60 grams of protein, and 60-100 (I try to stick to 60, but it varies daily and not over 100) carbs a day. I have a deficit in my calories, but my body will not let the rest of this weight go. Frustrating beyond belief! But, I keep plugging away at it. I love the exercise. It makes me feel successful, that I am at least trying!

Still looking for pictures...OMG some of them I just cannot believe are me...I will try to garner the courage to post them.

OK~  so today I high tail it to the gym early.  Well, early for me.  I had a protein shake before I went, I had my Gatorade, IPod, sweat towel, lock etc....

I get there and totally talk myself out of doing my weight training because my shoulder is killing me.  It still hurts from where I fell in the hallway at school and it popped outta socket--long story that..

Anyway today I warmed up on the bike for 15 minutes level 7, interval training, I did about 4 or 5 miles in 15 minutes.  Pretty good I think to myself.  So I hop on the elliptical, interval training, for 30 minutes, I PUSHED MYSELF HARD---kept my HR in the 160's.  I got off and went to the treadmill.  I only meant to do 15 minutes up the hill at an incline of 10, but I wasn't paying attention and I either did 30 or 40 minutes....I was watching the Miami Housewives (ew not my favorite) and listening to my Ipod and boom, I was not paying attention, it said I had 10 minutes left and I am not sure what the heck it started at, usually 60 minutes..

So I was exhausted and I promised me Da I would stop after for lunch.  He went to Frisch's and I had a chili.  Liquid meat I call it.  He was loading my laptop with the new Latin Spanish software so that I can continue to practice my Spanish -I somehow lost my Rosetta Stone...sigh.  Anyway we are a huge coffee family and after the chili, my Da gives me a cup of coffee.  I drank a couple sips and had to go sit in the big chair, not feeling good.  So after about an hour I felt better and decided I would have my coffee...ut oh...my poor belly got so sick. I mean I know better than to have coffee and chili at the same time.  Holy gas pain Batman...I had to leave to come home, and I wanted to hang out a while but I felt like I was gonna puke so I came home and took some antacid.  I am feeling better now.  This snow does not help nor the cold.  OR lack of sun, I mean come on Cincy another week of rain??

Anyway yes I know I over trained today but not on purpose.  AND note to self; never eat chili and coffee together...bleck...so today I have only had about 300 plus calories and I feel so miserable I doubt that I will eat anything else today.  OH I feel awful...but back at it tomorrow...

Today I was back at in the gym.  I did straight cardio today on the elliptical.  That is sixty minutes straight.  My target heart rate for a woman my age (acording to Dan the personal trainer) is 143.  I get up to 143, then I PUSH myself till I hit between 160 and 172.  I don't stay at 172 for long, maybe five minutes then I bring it back down to the 150's.

I do interval training so my HR goes up and down.  I like to push to see how high I can get my heart rate, but it's never been over 172. 

I am eating well.  Still sticking to the 1200 calories, low carb-high protein diet.  Today I went to Sam's and bought some Adkins shakes, not my favorites, but they will do.  I like the strawberry above all else in the protein shakes with no sugar.  It tastes pretty good.  But only 15 grams of protein, most of them have 30 or so but the last box I bought was spoiled, bleck. 

I did have a little bit of fruit today which I usually do not eat, or I will eat an apple if I am hungry in the evening.  I haven't had much protein today either.  I haven't figured out my calories yet, but I think I am way under and I know that I burn almost 1000 calories on the elliptical.

All I can do is try..try try try...still trying, not giving UP!  But man, sometimes when that stupid scale doesn't move for six months and you work this hard, I feel so defeated!!!!  (insert curse words here)

Well I have been doing VERY well staying right around 1200 calories.  I have been so busy this week I haven't had time to breathe let alone eat a lot. 

I have found that the more I eat a certain food, the more I crave it.  I have this broccoli addiction right now.  I buy the huge bag at Sam's of the broccoli steamers and they have 45 calories per serving, well there are only three servings in a bag and I eat almost the whole bag...so good!  So now all I want to eat is broccoli.

I also bought a HUGE jar of pickles at Sam's (guess where I shop--LOL).  Those little dill gherkins get me through the crunch craving I have.  I need crunch specifically at night, so I get a plate of pickles, sometimes I dip them in mustard.  My substitute for chips and dip. 

I do eat popcorn but I try not to eat it all the time because then I want it all the time.  So once per week or if a good movie is on.  OR I am watching all the season's of Californication, The Tudors, or Mad Men.  Yes I bought all them and am highly addicted.  I just wish I had the time to watch them all...sigh.

School is a nightmare.  I wish I were done, yes I know I am close but I am on overload.  I need yet another vacation, the stress is horrible.

I haven't even had time to go to the gym this week.  My body thanks me, trust me.  I get in there and I just GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I can spend up to 90 minutes on the elliptical straight if I wanted to.  BUT, I only do sixty minutes, then I get off.  I have added weights which I hate but I do, and I can see the difference in my body.  Of course I haven't lost a pound, but I was assured that it would happen in six to eight weeks.  That is the MOST frustrating thing in the world-THAT DAMN SCALE!  It just doesn't move, although everyone and I mean everyone told me last night that I looked thinner?  How is this possible?  I guess the muscle tone is becoming more apparent or my hair is just longer...HA!!  

I just keep plugging away at it, I WILL NOT GIVE UP----I WILL GET SOME MAD NINJA DIETING SKILLS!!! 

Will post pictures of me from previous years soon if I get the courage to go into the garage--eekkk, boxes in there that I never unpacked.  There is a small pathway through the middle.  If I go in I may not find my way back out.  I sorta stuff things in there and then slam the door....LOL.

Well---March 23rd, I didn't do so well.  I only ate about 500 calories.  It was a super busy day.  I swear as soon as I landed in Cincinnati on Monday I have NOT stopped.  I am exhausted already! 

I had a yogurt for breakfast.  Then I had to go teach and my advisor was coming to observe me and I was so nervous I couldn't eat.  So I got home around 5 and had some chicken salad on a bed of lettuce and I could only eat a little.  The dogs got the majority of that, yeah they eat lettuce, weird!! 

So I went up to see a friend and took my G2, my protein shake and the Bacardi.  Bacardi has zero carbs and only 60 calories.  My G2 only has around 50 per bottle and zero carbs.  So a new drink is born.  Trust me, I have had better drinks but for the caloric intake...this is awesome.  I call it the Rockin Robin.  Compared to the beer, this puts my calories around 200 (I had two) instead of my beer intake at 1200...I do love beer!!

It was good to laugh with friends.  Of course they lectured me about my 40 day plan, I listened, I tried to explain but most people just do not understand.  I am not doing it solely to lose weight.  It is more of a plan to get myself back into the correct frame of mind.  If you have ever tried to lose weight I think you know what I mean.  It is to focus on maintaining my diet.  I have changed my whole entire life, the way I eat, exercise - everything.  This is helping me focus on staying on the correct path.  I call it a detox it is not just about food!

I guess when I start to remember stories of how cruel people have been to me in my life, I get emotional.  I was telling my friends last night about my experience with the school nurse in the 7th grade.  We had to go in for a physical with her each year (not sure why).  I was about 5'7 or so, maybe 5'8 and weighed about 142 pounds.  I was 12 or 13 at the time.  The nurse told me I was 40 pounds overweight and a myriad of other horrible things.  Like I was unhealthy for a 12 year old.  She told me she was calling my mother about my weight problem.  I was humiliated.  Thinking about this now, I was not overweight at all, I was just tall.  Yes most girls at 12 are small, as in around 5 feet 80 pounds, but that was not me.  I was 7 inches taller than most of my friends and if I would have weighed 100 pounds I would have looked sick..I still to this day do not understand why that nurse was so cruel to me. 

So today my plan is to eat a little more, I need to stay at 1200 calories and I am finding it very difficult to do.  It's either all or nothing with me, I need to map out a plan of what and when to eat and stick to it. 

This is really hard for me to share, but I am gonna do it anyway.  I do not let people inside my little world, but I think this is theraputic for me and I am tired of explaining myself to the masses...so here is what I am doing for the next 40 days...and WHY you ask...because I can!

I know that people get hysterical when I talk about going on a liquid diet.  I have tried so many different diets, fads, workout till my body is exhausted, starve, I have done it all.  BUT, I have not lost a pound in six months, haven't gained one either, but my poor confused body is in STALL mode.

I have lost 130 pounds in three years, I am proud of that, I worked hard for it and I will not let anyone take that from me.  BUT, it is frustrating, humiliating, and overall just flat out insane that I haven't lost any weight in six months.  I work so hard at my weight loss.  Do I give up?  Hell no!

I went to Texas-The big "D" last week for much needed rest and recuperation from the stress of my Master's program and the overload of coursework, teaching, and mayhem that is my life.  I shopped, I ate too much Tex-Mex food, and overall let myself relax.  I didn't take any workout clothes because that is all I would have focused on, working out.  Instead I let my body heal, rest, eat, drink, and be merry!!

On my way home I decided to pray for guidance on my weight loss journey.  And that is how I decided to do the 40 day detox.  Heck if Jesus can fast for forty days, I can do liquids for forty days right?  I will stick to the rule of 60!  Sixty carbs, sixty protein, sixty minutes of exercise (I do ninety-30 minutes of weights 3 days per week).   

I have coffee with half and half for breakfast, a boiled egg and a yogurt.  For lunch I will have a protein drink and then another at 2.  I will eat tuna, or drink a shake for dinner as well.  I try to stick to 1200 calories a day but so far, I am around 960.  I will eliminate carbs from my diet almost entirely.  With the exception of beans in my chili, I eat a lot of chili, I am from Cincinnati, love the stuff!!!  I call it liquid meat! 

Why do I torture myself you say?  I get this a lot from everyone.  I think when you grow up with a weight problem which becomes the focus of who you are; you continue to focus on it.  I remember being six and being so much taller and so different from the other girls that even the six year olds would comment on my size.  I became sort of a freak.  I retreated into myself, I was shy-I withdrew, I watched TV, I loved art, I did not care about the classmates.  I just ignored them!  My imagination, art, and fabrics became my solace.  I taught myself to sew when I was 2 (that is what my mother said) but I think I was four, I remember making Barbie clothes for my dolls.  I loved beautiful fabrics, the feel of the machine, it gave me purpose.  My grandmothers, and my mother all sewed, but I had to teach myself.  It gave me something positive to do and to be.  So that is what I focused on when I was little.  Sewing, art, being invisible, which is hard when you are the tallest girl in school.

It doesn't make me angry it makes me who I am today.  Independent, focused, kind, compassionate, and sympathetic to those who are different.  It makes me an amazing teacher and gives me an understanding of who I teach. 

So my first day, was OK.  I get really hungry at night, I am trying to not eat after 7 but man that is hard...I can already taste the ketosis in my mouth.  My body is going into ketosis, ugh, make sure you have gum!!!  Bleck....more on the morrow...

Here is my Texas picture from last week....this random cowboy came up and hugged me (loved it) so I stole his hat!  HA!!

I am pretty careful about my diet.  I eat a low carb high protein diet.  I do eat small amounts of fruit, veggies, and occasionally double protein bread.  I go to the gym regularly.  I tend to be a cardio junkie and primarily workout on the elliptical, the recumbent bike or the treadmill for about 60 minutes a day.

My weight loss has stalled for about six months and it is the single most frustrating thing in my entire life.  So I consulted Dr. Awesome (Dr. Dirk Rodriguez) and we discussed adding weights three days a week into my routine, along with the cardio for 60 minutes. 

I now workout my arms on Mondays (light weights, more reps, as in 15 pounds 50 times in sets of  three, 20, 20, 10) my legs on Wednesdays, and my back/core on Fridays.

I thought I was very careful with my calorie intake, but I have found I have gotten very slack in keeping track of what I eat and when.  I eat small meals about 5 or six times a day, but due to the cold and winter, my water consumption has all but disappeared from my diet.  I have found that I am drinking way too much caffeine and not enough water.  So I have cut down on the coffee/tea (I don't touch soda-EVER-liquid Satan I call it) and upped my water again to as much as I can possibly consume.  I am dehydrated and I had no idea.  No wonder I am tired, have a headache and I am a complete and utter GROUCH!! 

So I found this website that helps me track everything and the best thing about it...it's FREE!!!!!  I just started using it and already I know what and how long it will take me to lose the rest of my weight and just how many calories a day I need to consume.

Give it a try....http://loseit.com/index.jsp#Home

I also have a fondness for beer.  I love it.  Dark, light, pilsner, lager, craft...all good.  So I have to be VERY careful about the beer intake.  I usually stick to the ULTRA light beer with 2 carbs, but sometimes a girl has to have a good beer too.  So I am eliminating it from my diet for the next month and lets see how my weight loss goes....I have nothing to lose....

My friends are always asking what is the best face mask to help with dry winter skin.  For me, I use a simple aspirin mask to slough off dry winter skin.  It's cheap, its easy and you probably already have it in your cabinet.

In Ohio the dry furnace air,  extreme cold and wind make my skin dry, lifeless, and dull.  I looked around for a simple at home remedy that would help to take off all that dry blotchy skin. 

Then I take my cotton balls or rounds and smear it onto my face.  I rub it in with my hands to exfoliate the dead dry skin.  I leave it till it starts to dry and get hard.  I also use this on my hands, and my lips.  Then I wash it off with warm water and moisturize my face.  I like to use a little bit of baby oil (I have very dry sensitive skin) and lotion.  I combine them together to moisturize my face and hands.